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I wonder...
(or, getting Punched in the Face)
Suppose I went to a tech conference, as I am wont to do every now and again. Further suppose that after the conference wound down, a large group of the attendees, including myself, decided to repair to the local pub for some food and a couple of adult beverages.
Say that Dave Frobzen, a guy I recognize from his presentations at the conference, accosts me in a way that seems friendly enough at first. He says "Hey Rick, can I talk to you?", pulls me aside, then punches me right in the face. After I manage to get the hell out of there and clean myself up, I post about the incident on my blog, saying that at the pub, right out of nowhere, Dave Frobzen punched me in the face.
Suppose all that happened to me. I wonder how people would react?
I wonder if anyone would muse that I hadn't been an adequate steward of my own personal safety.
I wonder if I'd be admonished for publishing Dave's name in my blog.
I wonder if people would say that we shouldn't rush to levy judgement on Dave just because I blogged that he punched me in the face.
I wonder if anyone would tell me that I was inviting a libel lawsuit by telling the world the name of the guy who had just punched me in the face.
I wonder if people would call my firsthand account of the situation a 'baseless accusation'.
I wonder if people would accuse me of starting a 'witch hunt' against Dave, or of trying to ruin his life by publishing his name in my blog, or refer to my blog post as an act of "character assassination".
I wonder if people would suggest Dave sue me for libel in the name of "damage control", whether he'd actually punched me in the face or not.
I wonder if anyone would tell me I was a fool for being "alone" in the vicinity of a drunk guy.
I wonder if people would tell me that I should have gone to the police instead of writing about the incident in my blog (disregarding the possibility that I might also have done so).
I wonder if people would insinuate that there was something wrong with me because I've been punched in the face by other guys before.
I wonder if people would liken my not having gone to the police on previous occasions to having completely ignored those incidents.
I wonder if people would tell me that this had nothing to do with the conference because it happened in a pub a few minutes removed from the conference venue instead of in the middle of the conference venue.
I wonder if people would complain that my blogging about Dave punching me in the face was ruining the good name of the conference and of the tech industry as a whole.
I wonder if people would, possibly without out-and-out calling me a liar, casually mention that false accusations of having been punched in the face are not uncommon.
I wonder if people would start recounting incidents from their lives where someone had tried to ruin a person's life by fabricating a story about that person having punched them in the face.
I wonder if people would take the opportunity of my having been punched in the face to debate the finer points of exactly what kind of punch in the face should legally constitute "assault".
I wonder if people would speculate that my previous anti-violence activism has led me to be less than honest in this matter.
I wonder if people would call me an attention whore simply for writing about something that happened in my life.
I wonder if random people would come straight on to my blog and tell me I was an asshole who probably deserved to get punched in the face, or that I got punched in the face for being a social misfit who couldn't read my attacker right.
I wonder if all those things would happen to me.
You know, on second thought, I don't really wonder at all.
(If the context of this isn't apparent, read: A hell of a time)
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(I linked to it in my journal because I am so unable to put my thoughts into words)
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The absurd and obscene thing about this post is that it was basically written for me by random douchebags on the internet. Everything in it is culled from their responses to Noirin's blog post.
Thanks for the nudge to put a trigger warning on this, by the way - I was really remiss to have posted it without one.
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It's rather depressing.
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You know, maybe I wasn't clear enough in my non-consent to being punched in the face. Maybe there's room for ambiguity if I don't wear a mask that says "Please do not punch me in the face" 24/7. And we were in a bar, where punch-ups just happen all the time. And drinking! Everyone knows a bit of alcohol is practically a license to punch someone in the face.
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For what it's worth
Likewise, as someone who has been drinking in her room with a certain (awesome) woman before I, for one, was easily able control myself from assaulting her. And yeah, sure, she's cute but reasonable people know how to control themselves.
Nicely done pondering, sir.
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Thanks for the kudos, all. Just glad to be able to help in some small way.
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I started reading the comments of that post after reading this post, my brain going "there is no way it could be that bad" and I just...gods.
Thank you for speaking out.
~Sor
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