shadowspar: An angry anime swordswoman, looking as though about to smash something (Default)
shadowspar ([personal profile] shadowspar) wrote2010-11-07 06:59 pm

I wonder...

(or, getting Punched in the Face)


Suppose I went to a tech conference, as I am wont to do every now and again. Further suppose that after the conference wound down, a large group of the attendees, including myself, decided to repair to the local pub for some food and a couple of adult beverages.

Say that Dave Frobzen, a guy I recognize from his presentations at the conference, accosts me in a way that seems friendly enough at first. He says "Hey Rick, can I talk to you?", pulls me aside, then punches me right in the face. After I manage to get the hell out of there and clean myself up, I post about the incident on my blog, saying that at the pub, right out of nowhere, Dave Frobzen punched me in the face.

Suppose all that happened to me. I wonder how people would react?

I wonder if anyone would muse that I hadn't been an adequate steward of my own personal safety.

I wonder if I'd be admonished for publishing Dave's name in my blog.

I wonder if people would say that we shouldn't rush to levy judgement on Dave just because I blogged that he punched me in the face.

I wonder if anyone would tell me that I was inviting a libel lawsuit by telling the world the name of the guy who had just punched me in the face.

I wonder if people would call my firsthand account of the situation a 'baseless accusation'.

I wonder if people would accuse me of starting a 'witch hunt' against Dave, or of trying to ruin his life by publishing his name in my blog, or refer to my blog post as an act of "character assassination".

I wonder if people would suggest Dave sue me for libel in the name of "damage control", whether he'd actually punched me in the face or not.

I wonder if anyone would tell me I was a fool for being "alone" in the vicinity of a drunk guy.

I wonder if people would tell me that I should have gone to the police instead of writing about the incident in my blog (disregarding the possibility that I might also have done so).

I wonder if people would insinuate that there was something wrong with me because I've been punched in the face by other guys before.

I wonder if people would liken my not having gone to the police on previous occasions to having completely ignored those incidents.

I wonder if people would tell me that this had nothing to do with the conference because it happened in a pub a few minutes removed from the conference venue instead of in the middle of the conference venue.

I wonder if people would complain that my blogging about Dave punching me in the face was ruining the good name of the conference and of the tech industry as a whole.

I wonder if people would, possibly without out-and-out calling me a liar, casually mention that false accusations of having been punched in the face are not uncommon.

I wonder if people would start recounting incidents from their lives where someone had tried to ruin a person's life by fabricating a story about that person having punched them in the face.

I wonder if people would take the opportunity of my having been punched in the face to debate the finer points of exactly what kind of punch in the face should legally constitute "assault".

I wonder if people would speculate that my previous anti-violence activism has led me to be less than honest in this matter.

I wonder if people would call me an attention whore simply for writing about something that happened in my life.

I wonder if random people would come straight on to my blog and tell me I was an asshole who probably deserved to get punched in the face, or that I got punched in the face for being a social misfit who couldn't read my attacker right.

I wonder if all those things would happen to me.

You know, on second thought, I don't really wonder at all.


(If the context of this isn't apparent, read: A hell of a time)

yvi: John and Elizabeth, text: "uh-oh, Mommy & Daddy are angry" (Atlantis - Angry Parents)

[personal profile] yvi 2010-11-08 05:17 pm (UTC)(link)
This is a wonderful post despite the whole thing being so... sickening and unfair and revolting.

(I linked to it in my journal because I am so unable to put my thoughts into words)
Edited 2010-11-08 17:20 (UTC)
cesy: Can't fight all the oppressions (Kyriarchy sad)

[personal profile] cesy 2010-11-08 06:02 pm (UTC)(link)
Brilliant analogy.

It's rather depressing.
badgerbag: (Default)

[personal profile] badgerbag 2010-11-08 06:36 pm (UTC)(link)
Well, I dunno, I'm really not sure you're cute enough to be punched in the face! I bet you were probably wearing boxing shorts. Your body language likely sent mixed signals. Some men actually like being punched in the face by other men who make friends aggressively!
badgerbag: (Default)

[personal profile] badgerbag 2010-11-08 09:09 pm (UTC)(link)
Are you sure you weren't wearing a big "punch me" sign? Human memory is scientifically proven to be unreliable. In fact I'm not sure how you can ever tell what's real and what's not. Perhaps a butterfly is just dreaming that you got punched in the face.

For what it's worth

[identity profile] caseywest.com 2010-11-08 08:43 pm (UTC)(link)
As someone who has been drinking with you before at the bar I, for one, was easily able to control myself from punching you in the face. And yeah, sure, you are cute enough to punch in the face but reasonable people know how to control themselves.

Likewise, as someone who has been drinking in her room with a certain (awesome) woman before I, for one, was easily able control myself from assaulting her. And yeah, sure, she's cute but reasonable people know how to control themselves.

Nicely done pondering, sir.
laughingrat: A detail of leaping rats from an original movie poster for the first film of Nosferatu (Default)

[personal profile] laughingrat 2010-11-08 09:51 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you.
badbookworm: (Default)

[personal profile] badbookworm 2010-11-08 10:23 pm (UTC)(link)
THANK YOU for this. I don't know Noirin and I've learned about this in a very peripheral links-from-links kind of way. Nevertheless, I feel angry about it, have felt sickened by some of the comments to and about Noirin's post, and am very grateful for people like you who are decent human beings.
domtheknight: espresso machine brewing into little white mugs (Default)

[personal profile] domtheknight 2010-11-09 12:35 am (UTC)(link)
Well said.
vatine: Generated with some CL code and a hand-designed blackletter font (Default)

[personal profile] vatine 2010-11-09 11:05 am (UTC)(link)
Without having seen the rather appalling behaviour by certain someones to specific person, I was wondering what this was about. But, in retrospect, it makes perfect sense. Well written.
chaobell: Pyro taking a walk, firing flamethrower into the air just because. (Default)

[personal profile] chaobell 2010-11-10 05:43 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks for this.
sorcyress: Drawing of me as a pirate, standing in front of the Boston Citgo sign (Default)

[personal profile] sorcyress 2010-11-10 07:37 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you.

I started reading the comments of that post after reading this post, my brain going "there is no way it could be that bad" and I just...gods.

Thank you for speaking out.

~Sor
thehunter: (Default)

[personal profile] thehunter 2010-11-12 01:48 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you so much for making this post. I was appalled by the vitriol, victim-blaming, and misogyny in the comments to Noirin's post...but unfortunately, not at all surprised.